Ask a Manager

It’s “where are you now?” month at Ask a Manager, and all December I’m running updates from people who had their letters here answered in the past. Here are four updates from past letter-writers.

1. My coworker wants to come back to work … after an extended Disney vacation (#2 at the link)

I wrote in earlier this year regarding my coworker who went to Disney, and management wanted to bring her back but isolate her in an unused office. After asking around, it became apparent that most people were either unaware of the plan, or else had agreed because they felt they had to, but were very nervous about it. About six of us approached our HR rep to lay out our concerns – mainly that Jane had not handled a COVID case in her home well at all, and our confidence in her willingness to wipe down the kitchen and bathroom after every use was limited, at best. HR agreed, and asked Jane to quarantine for two weeks after coming home from Florida. Further, they decided to put a mandatory quarantine for out of state travel (which was fine – everyone else had already cancelled their vacations for the foreseeable future).

As it turned out, our fears were justified. Though Jane was fine, her husband tested positive for COVID when they returned home from vacation. His symptoms were mild, and he is doing well, though Jane says he still struggles with breathlessness.

You asked why the office seemed to want her to come back while previously being so careful. Part if was the timing. Our state was preparing to reopen indoor dining, and restaurants comprise about 80% of our customer base. They wanted to have her in the building to handle some of the increase in calls/ emails, since work from home is (still) not an option for us. As it turned out, though, indoor dining was further postponed, so the anticipated increase in business came much later.

I want to thank you and your readers for helping me navigate this. Your advice was spot on, and truly helped me and my coworkers navigate this issue.

2. I lost it and gave relationship advice to my employee

Thank you and your readers for the feedback. It has certainly been a challenging few months while we all navigate this new situation with blurred lines between work, and home life. I decided to use the advice that I can “choose the information that I engage with” to heart, and make it a mantra. I ultimately decided to have a discussion with Anna reiterating the expectations of her position, and left anything home related out of it. I gave as many options as possible for her to balance everything, like working a flexible schedule. However, ultimately Anna decided to leave the company to focus more fully on her family. Although I was sad to see her go, she was happy with her choice.

3. My company wants me working fewer hours — but I have so much to do

I don’t have a very exciting update – but overall things have definitely improved! Around the time you posted my letter, my boss came back to us and said she had been mistaken, and she did not mean to *require* that we avoid overtime, only that we make every effort to keep our hours reasonable. She knew we already were doing everything we could, and it turned out this was just a lot of upper management covering everyone’s backsides. It was still pretty stressful when my teammate went on vacation, but I managed to stay 9-10 hour days.

About a month later, we brought on a new full-time person who has a few other responsibilities, but mainly helps with our workload and it has been an enormous relief. We’re still working remotely (and will be through at least next summer), but things have evened out a bit and the demands on my time are much more realistic. I now actually have a few hours a week to dedicate to my own professional growth outside of daily tasks, as well as to volunteer on a department-wide team to promote and educate others on the importance of inclusion & diversity initiatives in our company.

I’ve been able to incorporate a lot of your advice in conversations with my boss throughout the last several months, especially when it comes to getting on the same page about what my priorities should be when things get crazy, and what I feel I can realistically get done in a 40(ish) hour work week. WFH is getting a little monotonous, but I’m very lucky to work for management that listens when we push back and tries to help keep our workloads manageable, even in these “unprecedented” times!

4. Am I being unprofessional on video calls?

I wrote in earlier this year asking about how to navigate video meetings while dealing with chronic pain. The day my letter was posted I was actually having a bad pain day, and didn’t have the energy to reply to the comments, but I read every single one. I’m so thankful for all of the advice I received, and hearing the stories of commenters dealing with similar situations.

I took your advice (and the advice of many commenters) and decided that moving forward, I would leave my camera off on default, and only turn on when absolutely necessary. When I do turn my camera on, I change up the angles (thanks commenters!) so it isn’t obvious that I’m lounging on my couch. My agency doesn’t use zoom, so unfortunately adding a virtual background wasn’t an option.

I was pretty anxious to do this, but Ask A Manager gave me the confidence to go through with my plan. I’ve only had someone mention it once and it was more of a light hearted “where are you!” type comment. I’m no longer anxious to leave my video off, and it really has done wonders for my productivity and overall happiness, as I’m not dreading how I’ll appear multiple times a week during video meetings.

One commenter picked up on something that I didn’t even realize. In my original letter, I included a lot of information about the pain I was experiencing that wasn’t really relevant to the question I was asking. This commenter suggested something else was going on, and they were completely right. I was almost embarrassed when I read the comment and read my letter again, because it seems so obvious to me now. I was angry about my condition. I was angry that I had to work through so much pain. I was angry that I had to worry about something as trivial as a video meeting when living a normal life was a daily struggle. I wasn’t dealing with any of this, and instead placing my anxiety, anger and fear on a relatively minor issue. I’m happy to say that I’ve decided to take about 4 weeks off from work. It’s been a week and I’m already feeling so much more relaxed. I am truly just focusing on my physical and mental health. I’ve ignored it for too long.