It’s four answers to four questions. Here we go…

1. CEO is making two finalist candidates have dinner with him at the same time

Wondering if you can tell me if this situation is as crazy as I think it is. My company is hiring for an executive level role for an office we are standing up in a new state. This role will report to our CEO and it’s important we get the right person in place. We’ve narrowed it down to two final candidates, they have interviewed with other C-suite employees, and the feedback is similar on both candidates (both would likely be great in the role). Our CEO wants to take them both to dinner … at same time, together.

After I pushed back on this idea, the CEO brought it up in a larger team meeting, and every person agreed this wasn’t a good idea. But our CEO is convinced this is the way to go. His reasoning is a little competition would be good for them and help him make the final decision.

Beyond being unprofessional, I think this would make the candidates question our culture and if they even want the role. I feel like this is a disaster in the making. Is there a scenario when taking two candidates to the same business dinner would be a good idea?

No, this is a terrible idea! Any decent candidate is going to wonder if your management culture pits people against each other in dysfunctional ways, and it’s going to be an awkward position for both of them. Hiring isn’t about candidates going head to head with each other at the same dinner table; it’s about the employer assessing candidates against their own set of metrics and deciding who’s the strongest match.

A lot of excellent candidates would be turned off by this and decline. That said, if they’d be taking a job with a CEO who thinks “a little competition is good for them,” it’s probably better that they find that out now.

2. My manager eavesdrops on conversations

My manager has a habit of eavesdropping: she will lurk around a corner listening to a conversation for a couple of minutes then appear, having taken a side. I find this really creepy.

Recently she took it to a whole new level. A supervisor and I were having a somewhat heated discussion about something in a room where it’s quite hard to eavesdrop (thick doors). My manager came into the room and walked over to a computer and started using it. Our discussion paused and I said something like, “Uh, do you want to be involved in this conversation, Mary-Jane?” and she said no, she was just there because someone had left a computer logged in, which is a security issue.

We stood there awkwardly as she fiddled with the computer (logging out takes two seconds), just the three of us in the room. Eventually the conversation continued and she continued to pretend she wasn’t listening. Later on I got written up for being disrespectful to the supervisor in that conversation.

There isn’t really a question here, but, your thoughts?

Well, your manager is an eavesdropper. I don’t know that it’s creepy, per se, but it’s weird — she’s your boss so she has the authority to just involve herself if she wants to, rather than pretending that she’s not listening until she’s suddenly responding.

There might be some circumstances where you can sort of call it out, by saying, “Mary-Jane, you look like you’re paying attention — do you want to give input?” In some situations, if you have a ton of capital (and I mean a really significant amount) and want to use some of it, then after she’s popped up having clearly been lurking around the corner, you could say, “It always throws me off to realize someone has been listening where we can’t see them! I would rather you just join us straight away in the future.” (But you need to be deeply valued and your job rock solid, for that to even approach being a good idea, and even then it’s probably not worth it unless you’re about to lose your mind over this.)

Beyond that, all you can really do is be aware that she does this, so if you ever don’t want her to pop up in a conversation or opine on it later, pick your locations carefully.

But I’m curious what else she’s like as a manager, because my guess is that this isn’t the only way she’s weird about how she exercises authority.

To be clear, there are times as a manager where it’s useful and legitimate to listen into conversations that you’re not an active part of — like paying attention to how an employee talks to coworkers or explains a project on a client call. But it shouldn’t be a covert thing, where people assume they have privacy and really don’t, or where it makes people feel scrutinized or micromanaged or like they don’t have any autonomy. More here:

I can hear everything my staff says — should I pretend I don’t?

3. I’m panicking in my new job

I’m a marketer with 13+ years experience in my field. Throughout my career, I’ve established a reputation for having a strong work ethic, being an expert in my role, and being a smart, dependable teammate. I was at my most recent role for four years, and in the beginning it was great. I even received a departmental award for my work. About midway through my tenure there, I got a new boss who, after a few months, made my working environment really toxic. (She constantly switched up expectations and goals, had me constantly reexplain very basic parts of the job more than a year in, and would accuse me of doing things I never did.) Fast forward to just before Christmas this past year, I got fired for a situation that was largely out of my control.

I threw myself into the job search and was lucky enough to start a new role after two months of unemployment. It’s a fully remote job in the same field (marketing) but in a wildly different industry. It’s been 2.5 weeks and I feel completely overwhelmed. Everyone has been nice and said it’ll take a while to catch up and to reach out with any questions but I can’t get a read on my boss. She’s clearly very good at her job, but is also very busy, so there hasn’t been a ton of onboarding. I’m terrified of not meeting expectations or catching up quickly enough and being fired again.

Is this a normal feeling for any new job, or is this a reflection of my fit with this company? Also, is it bad if, at the six-month mark, I start job searching again if I still feel the same way I do today?

It’s a very normal feeling. If you’re still feeling this way in six months — or better yet, eight — then sure, start looking around, but two and a half weeks is nothing and it’s really common to be feeling this way, even for a job you will master in time.

It might help to think about specifically what’s making you feel unmoored. Can you make a list of questions that you’d feel more settled/secure if you knew the answers to? Are there people with similar roles who you can ask to coffee, say you’re feeling overwhelmed, and ask for help settling in? Also, if she hasn’t already covered this, try asking your boss what she’d like to see you accomplish in one month, three months, and six months, since knowing that might help you get your bearings. Last, is there one project you can pick to dive into, asking questions of colleagues as you go? Picking just one project when you’re overwhelmed in a new position can sometimes be a good way into the job and to learn as you go.

4. Questions to ask when interviewing for my own job

I have been doing my role on a temporary basis for 2.5 years. Soon I have to interview for it on a permanent basis. What kind of question can I ask which won’t sound like I don’t understand the role or the organization?

You can ask about what goals they have for the role over the next year (or next few years) and if there’s anything they want to see the person in the job approach differently than has been historically done. If there are known challenges or changes on the horizon (or ongoing), you can ask about how those will affect the job. Plus, think about anything else that might be on your mind — are there things you wish you knew about their vision for the role/strategy/etc.? If so, think about whether you can shape those into useful questions.

Related:
how to prepare for an internal interview

It’s five answers to five questions. Here we go…

1. Was talking about a march for science too political for work?

I’m hoping you can help settle a disagreement a friend and I are having about a situation that came up in my work today.

I work as a physician at a large academic hospital, and my department had our monthly faculty meeting today. As part of the meeting, our department chair discussed the current state of NIH funding going to our department. We do a large amount of research and have a number of labs dependent on NIH grants that may be affected by the current administration. He told us that there is a march for science this Friday (they are being held simultaneously in cities all over the country) and suggested that anyone who is interested and able to attend should do so, but not to wear anything that would identify us as employees of this hospital or to give any comments that could be seen as being on behalf of the hospital.

On a basic level, losing funding risks labs getting shut down and my colleagues losing their jobs. I would argue that most, if not all, of us work here because of the reputation of this institution and the research performed here is a big part of that. (Trust me, we get paid less than we would at many other similar hospitals because we believe in what we do).

My friend thinks that this was wrong for my chair to do because it is mixing politics in a professional environment. I see this as the chair providing us with information about the situation and encouraging us to advocate on behalf of our hospital, colleagues, patients, and research. What do you think? (I’m planning to march.)

I’m with you. Your chair was providing information that many of you would find relevant to your jobs, and was also providing info you might not have had otherwise (to not identify yourself as employees of the hospital or appear to be speaking on its behalf). “Don’t mix politics in a professional environment” applies when it’s something like announcing a campaign rally for a candidate or promoting a pro-choice march if your jobs had nothing to do with reproductive health care. It doesn’t apply when the issue in question is so tightly entwined with your labs’ ability to survive.

2. How are these layoffs happening so quickly?

I used to work at a large NGO that receives a lot of government funding. With the recent administration change, I’ve seen many of my old colleagues, including many who work in non-government-funded positions, announce that they’ve been laid off.

How can these layoffs be happening so quickly? It seems like within one week, funding that took months to secure has vanished. Is the funding truly gone? Or are these companies using this as a reason to let people go? Plus, how can it be affecting non-government-funded positions so quickly? I thought WARN notices were required before eliminating jobs.

Yes, it can happen that quickly (and is). First, while a position may not be directly government-funded, it can depend on grants or other sources of funding that have government funding somewhere in the chain. Second, some funders are changing their funding priorities in response to the new administration’s actions. Third, making adjustments in one area can affect a different area; for example, an organization might realize it’s going to lose $X in funding over the next year so they’re reconfiguring staffing and budgets now in order to prioritize programs A and B, even though that will mean cutting programs C and D.

The WARN Act requires most employers with 100 or more employees to provide 60 days notice if they’re laying off 50 or more people at once or to pay the equivalent amount of time in severance. If they have fewer than 100 employees or they’re not laying off 50+ people, it wouldn’t be in effect.

3. Responding to a nosy coworker

My coworker is well-meaning and big-hearted but doesn’t have a lot of personal boundaries. She shares a lot about her own personal life issues such as past family drama and medical issues, also shares personal life and medical issues of her children and husband, and has even shared very personal information from coworkers.

I’ve also noticed her tendency to not just overshare, but pry a bit as well. For example, I had to share the news of a recent death of a distant coworker we did some work with (relevant to our jobs) and she demanded to know who I heard it from (really not relevant). Overall, I like her but she can be really off the wall with certain comments at times.

Today, I sent my team a notification letting them know I’d be stepping out for a dentist appointment for my regular, twice-a-year cleaning. After that, she sent me a private message along the lines of, “We both have more medical appointments than the rest of the team! I’m not trying to pry — you don’t have to share any details — but I’m sending thoughts and prayers and wanted to make sure you’re okay!”

Not only is this a weird comment, but, frankly, I don’t! This year I had a normal annual physical, two dentist appointments, and then the occasional “thing” that might come up for anybody, like seeing an allergist this year. That’s pretty much it.

We have a pretty casual work culture where we’re salaried and free to take off for appointments as long as our work is done, so I’m wondering if she’s confusing personal appointments (car appointments, etc.) for medical appointments? I don’t always give details when I step away for an appointment so she may be assuming what the term “appointment” means.

I responded with a quick “Hey thanks but I’m healthy, just good about getting my checkups!” and moved on. But I would love to hear if there’s a better way to handle coworkers bringing up something like this and setting good boundaries. Do I ignore? Eyebrow raise and say, “How odd, what makes you say something like that?” (I’m not sure she’d pickup on that level of subtly.) Go nuclear and say, “Whoa, that’s way inappropriate”?

We have a cordial but distant relationship on the whole, mainly on my part because of her tendency to overshare or gossip. Given that, although this was definitely crossing a serious boundary, it hasn’t been a persistent issue and I’m not sure how strong of a response something like that would require.

Nah, your response was fine. It allowed you to just quickly move on rather than getting in a discussion of boundaries with her, which is a fine choice to make (unless you want to get into it with her).

Sometimes the key with people like this is to just studiously not take the bait. So you also could have just ignored her message entirely (particularly since she said she wasn’t trying to pry! let’s pretend to take her at her word).

4. Should I address a rumor about my company being awful?

I am a payroll specialist who processes payroll for over 1,000 electricians. Today I heard that there is a rumor going around one of our largest sites that my company lays people off after 90 days to avoid paying out any sick time (field employees can accrue and use up to 40 hours per year, but can’t use it until their 91st day of employment).

This is not true! We are a leading electrical contractor in our state and, honestly, the time and resources it takes to onboard employees would hardly make it financially sensible to be laying people off willy-nilly. Not to mention getting such an unethical practice like this past the union!

What I heard specifically was this: a site administrator told me “I heard someone say…,” meaning a current employee. In my experience, these things spread like wildfire among the crew(s). And the admin seemed genuinely relieved when I told her that it wasn’t true so I’m afraid people are actually believing it!

Should I say something? I have a good relationship with both my manager and our director of field personnel. Should I tell them what I heard?

I don’t think there’s enough here that you really need to act on it … but if you’re concerned that there’s misinformation out there, there’s nothing wrong with sharing that concern with your manager and/or the field personnel director and letting them decide if they want to address it. Just be careful to specify exactly what you heard, so it’s clear that you’re not hearing it from multiple people (which doesn’t mean multiple people don’t believe it — maybe they do — but you don’t want to overstate what you actually know).

5. Can I be told to use PTO for partial-day sick leave when I’m exempt?

I’m a salaried exempt computer programmer working from home, which means sometimes I have the luxury of working a few hours beyond the weekly 40 when inspiration strikes.

Yesterday, I wasn’t feeling well so I stopped working at about 10 am. My boss asked today if I was going to file for PTO or if I’d be making it up.

I’ve read your post here to make sure I was right about the FLSA. It’s come up before, but I’m not sure he believed the bit about how working any part of a week means getting paid for the full week. Anyway, he’s a good supervisor and we have a friendly relationship, but how do I tell him he’s wrong about this?

I asked an AI and it said my company could require that I take PTO when I’m sick, but that doesn’t seem right — so I thought I’d ask a real intelligence.

The AI got it right. As an exempt worker, you need to be paid your full salary when you work any part of a week (with some narrow exceptions, like your first and last week at a job), but that’s is only about pay. It doesn’t have anything to do with docking time from your PTO balance, and your company can still require you to use PTO for time that you miss. It’s pretty common for companies to do that, particularly when you’re missing nearly an entire day of work. (I’d consider it nickel-and-diming you if they told you to use PTO for an hour here and an hour there when you’re regularly working extra hours, but in this case you missed nearly a full day of work so it’s not that outrageous.)

Related:
my manager is nickeling and diming me on vacation time while I’m working 27 days in a row

It’s five answers to five questions. Here we go…

1. My coworker keeps a wall of embarrassing photos of former coworkers

I started a new job at a start-up a few months ago and one of my coworkers, who I work closely with, has a wall next to his desk where he has pinned up half a dozen enlarged photos of everyone who has left the company recently. He finds an old school photo, or them in a costume, or with braces, whatever he thinks is funny. As soon as someone puts in their two weeks, their photo goes up on the wall.

He recently got told by HR to take the photos down after someone complained. Everyone in my corner of the office is vocally on his side and against the reporter. They all seem to agree that the photos are all in good fun and shouldn’t be something to get upset about. They joke about making everyone take down family photos to show the reporter how silly they are.

I have had a neutral opinion of the photo wall so far, but now I am on the side of the reporter. If I were to resign, I definitely would not like the idea of my photo on that wall. I also don’t want to say anything since the team is very chummy and I’m trying to fit in as the newbie. What should I do? Are the photos appropriate or not?

That’s a really odd thing for him to do, and HR was right to tell him to stop. It wouldn’t be a big deal if he did it once or twice as a good-natured joke with resigning employees who he was friends with, but it’s his system that he does every time someone leaves? He’s in the wrong to make a big deal of being told to stop, and the coworkers who are outraged that he was told to stop are being ridiculous too. If it’s “all in good fun,” then they’d surely want to be sensitive to anyone who doesn’t want to be included, right? The fact that they’re not says that it’s not really “in good fun” at all.

But as for what you should do as a new person, it’s okay to just stay out of it! If someone directly asks what you think, you can shrug and say, “Eh, if someone was upset by it, it doesn’t seem that weird that the company told him to stop.”

2. Manager says staff absences are too high

I work at a company where each employee receives PTO that can be used for sick or personal reasons. PTO requires a doctor’s note or written explanation for absences longer than three consecutive days. Each person also has a separate bank of vacation time. The amount of paid time off we are given is typical for our industry. Most people use all or most of their vacation time and some of their PTO as needed. While various employees have had medical issues and/or leaves of absences over the years, I don’t think anyone abuses the system. It doesn’t seem like anyone has excessive absences.

One of my managers, Dan, disagrees. He has made several comments in the past year to indicate that employee absences are too high (within the allotted time, he admits, but still too high in his opinion). He called a meeting this week specifically to discuss attendance.

Dan feels absences are to blame for a big issue we’re having, and he asked us to brainstorm ways to increase attendance without spending any money (insert eye roll). I disagree. The issue we’re having has about 10 causes — half could be solved by management with moderate effort (like reworking the production schedule), and half are out of our control (such as industry-wide supply issues). Attendance may be a minor cause but not enough to warrant the time and effort we are now dedicating to “solve” it. It feels like scapegoating, putting the blame on us rather than attempting to address the other causes. However, Dan is senior management and well-liked by the CEO/owner, so no one ever challenges him. No one spoke up in this meeting, although several colleagues later told me they were shocked and upset.

Even if attendance was the sole cause of the issue, my opinion is that if people are not exceeding their allotted PTO and vacation time, then they are within their right to take the time given to them. Am I wrong?

If I’m correct, then do you have any suggestions on how to tell him that? Dan does not take well to anyone questioning his opinion, so it would need to be carefully worded. We are meeting again soon to hear what (free!) ideas we’ve come up with.

You are correct. If the company offers paid time off, it’s part of people’s compensation and they should take it, and managers should expect they will take it.

Dan sounds like A Problem, so I’m not sure there will be any benefit to trying to set him straight (as opposed to just letting him continue to wring his hands over the dreadful problem of people using their time off). But if you want to, you could try saying, “The amount of time off in our benefits package is consistent with industry norms and people obviously need time off in order not to burn out, so if you think there’s a coverage issue, we should look at increasing staffing.” After delivering this bad news to him, you could then immediately pivot to other solutions to whatever he’s reacting to, like changes to the production schedule and planning differently for supply issues.

If he starts actively interfering with people’s ability to use their time off or making people feel they’ll be penalized if they do, that’s time to bring in HR, framing it as “not allowing people to use their promised benefits.”

3. When I ask my team for updates, should I share my own as the boss?

I am a new department head and would like to introduce a weekly check-in during our department meeting to ask everyone what they are currently working on and what they accomplished in the past week. Should I include myself in this process and answer these questions as well for transparency reasons?

My work is much more abstract than that of my team members, and many of my tasks are repetitive (meetings, etc.). My progress is often harder to define because it largely depends on the progress of my team.

Yes. It doesn’t need to be comprehensive, but you should have at least one thing to share each week about what you’re working on, ideally something that will be relevant to at least some of the team.

That said … do you have a good reason for introducing these meetings? You very well might! Sometimes it’s really important for reasons of communication or team cohesion that people regularly hear about what others on their team are working on. Sometimes, though, this kind of meeting isn’t a great use of people’s time and can feel like something that’s happening because the manager vaguely thought it sounded like a good idea but can’t tie it to any real impact on people’s work. I’m not assuming it won’t be useful in your case — it often is! — just urging you to make sure you know what results you’re looking for from it (and how you’ll know if it is or isn’t getting you those results), and can communicate that to your team too.

4. Measles and traveling for work conferences

I am attending a national conference next month and, given the current measles outbreak, I asked my doctor about the need for a booster since my last (and only) MMR vaccination was decades ago. My doctor did recommend that anyone with an immunization history like mine get a booster, which I did.

We have many other employees also attending national conferences, and I wonder how much we can say to encourage them to check with their own doctors about a booster during this outbreak. Would there be any liability for not mentioning it?

Your company can absolutely encourage people to make sure they’re up-to-date on vaccinations, and can cite the measles outbreak specifically and suggest people check with their doctors to see if they need any boosters and/or can share info like this from the CDC (or this piece from NPR, which does a better job of answering “do I need a booster as an adult?”). But there’s no legal liability to not mentioning it, either.

5. Start date coincides with a planned vacation

I’m hoping to get a job, and there’s a good chance I’m a lead candidate. They want overlap with the existing job holder and the new person, which sounds great to me. Problem is, that person’s last day is the Friday before my kid’s spring break, for which we already have paid plans for Sunday through Wednesday.

Do I bring this up at all now, or wait until I have an actual offer? And then, is “doing the right thing” offering to come back that Thursday, which would cause some childcare complications, or is it reasonable to ask for the whole week off? To clarify, this would be the first week of me in the role flying solo. There is a part-time assistant. This is in the middle of a big organization-wide project.

In my current job, I’ve had to work every single vacation I’ve ever taken, near or far. I’m trying to get away from that. This organization doesn’t have that culture, but this timing really stinks.

Wait until you have the offer. Then explain you have pre-paid vacation plans for that week and that normally you’d suggest starting after that but you know they’d like you to have overlap with the person leaving, and so you’re hoping you could simply take that week unpaid, so that it works out for everyone. I wouldn’t start by offering the Thursday return date; wait and see how they respond. If they seem worried about it, at that point you can offer the Thursday return date as a compromise.

It’s great to move away from working every vacation, but this this is a different set of circumstances — this is trying to work something out when you’re brand new to a job and wouldn’t normally expect to have a full week off right after starting.

Related:
everything you need to know about time off when you start a new job