a resigning employee gave me the best gift

by Alison Green on September 12, 2024

A reader writes:

I am a manager, and I’ve heard you speak many times about how the best gift to a manager is a personal note about how the work we’ve done is appreciated by those who report to us. I wanted to share an experience I have recently had that underscores your point.

I have a staff member who has been with my team for about three years, and he’s been great! Unfortunately, he’s outgrown his current position, and my organization is not in a position to support him in his next steps. With my blessing (and reference), he received a new position making about 50% more than he’s making here, and taking a significant step up in his career. On his last day, he gave me a bottle of my alcoholic beverage of choice, with the explanation that every time the team has gone out for drinks, I’ve paid since I’m “the boss” and that now that I’m not, he can buy the drinks.

More importantly, he included a letter with the gift, and it’s one I will keep forever. It cited specifics about how I supported him and helped him to grow and learn in his position. How my trust in him helped him to achieve more than he had realized he could do. How without a manager like me, he would not have made it to the next step. He talked about how he had discussed the new position with a family member, and that person had said they’d never had a boss like he’d described — and how lucky he had been to be a part of my team. It was nearly a full page, and it made me cry good tears. Forget the (very nice) bottle of liquor — that letter meant everything! I’m very sorry to see him go, and I’m very happy that I could help him find his next step when I couldn’t.

P.S. When he was interviewing, I pointed him to Ask A Manager, in particular for questions he can ask in interviews to make sure he would be okay with the culture of whatever next organization he considered.

Yes! This is the way.

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{ 42 comments }

{ 42 comments… read them below }

  4. Daisy*

    Oh I had a similar thing from a very valued employee and I also treasure it. I felt privileged to be the person who got to teach this particular young superstar for the first phase of his career and it’s so exciting to watch him take that knowledge and experience and put it to use where he can fly. I miss him every day though as he was such a positive joy to have around. I wish we could make our much missed employees visit for Thanksgiving like we do the kids!

  7. Unkempt Flatware*

    Man. That’s lovely. I’m so screwed up with all things related to praise that I would love it and be beet red while reading it only in private.

  10. Chocoholic*

    That is lovely. Keep it somewhere you can refer to it if you have a bad day sometime. Congratulations, OP

    1. Manager with the best gift*

      I’m the OP, and I have it on my bulletin board in my home office, right next to my desk, where it won’t get lost! Thank you :)

      1. Goldenrod*

        I’m so happy there are managers like you in the world! Having had some bad bosses, it’s people like you who give me hope.

        :)

  16. Ex-boss of OP*

    OP was my first hire, and they now run the shop. And they do it better than I did. That letter is a testament that surprises me not at all.

  17. Middle Aged Lady*

    Aww, that’s heartwarming. I heard from a former coworker recently whom I mentored some years ago and she said, “When a tough situation arises at work, I ask myself ‘what would Middle Aged Lady do?” I was on cloud nine for days.

  18. i'll have what i'm having*

    This is great & anyone who has ever had a good boss, or a good mentor, or an invested teacher/professor, or really anyone that helped you on your professional way should let them know! I try to regularly tell my exec the good she does, but when she retires, I’ll make sure it’s in writing, lest she ever forget what she meant to me.

  20. Quinalla*

    Seriously, it is so true that this kind of letter or email or text is treasured forever. I’ve gotten a few and I have them all still whether paper or electronic. It is so wonderful to really know that you were able to help someone. My other favorite variation of this is someone who I worked with that reaches out years later and thanks me and talks about specific things I said/did that have continued to help them in their career. So if you are thinking, oh it’s too late to send a note like this, it is NOT! Please still send it, your mentor/former manager/etc. will still appreciate it!

    Thanks for being a supportive manager too! Most cannot be this supportive of their employees by helping them get a new job.

    1. Manager with the best gift*

      OP here – I have the same philosophy about working relationships that I do about romantic relationships: If someone is largely checked out, why would I want them to stay? It’s to everyone’s benefit – me, the clients we work with, the other members of the team – that people are satisfied with their jobs. If they aren’t? I want to help them to move to what would satisfy them, both as a fellow human who wants the best for people, and as a manager, who doesn’t want to deal with the spread of dissatisfaction among our small and high-functioning team. Also, I’m so proud of my former staff (one has subsequently become a social worker who works with seriously ill children and their families, another went back for a PhD and now addresses issues of de facto slavery in supply chains, another shifted careers and is now a professor, a couple of others have moved up in our field for other organizations) who worked with me and then have gone on to do amazing things. I’m so proud of them all – as well as the several long-term staff who have stuck with me all this time. I tell people, once a part of my team, you’ll always be a part of our honorary team, and I often invite former team members to casual events if they want to attend.

  21. Annacats*

    When my husband’s wonderful boss left for a new position, I wrote her a card thanking her for being so supportive and flexible with my husband during my breast cancer treatments, and that in doing so she made not only his life but my life immeasurably better. I hope it wasn’t overstepping to do so, but this lady could have made a terrible time in my life even more terrible, but instead she did all she could to help.

    1. just some guy*

      Similar story with one of my bosses. I had to move cities for that job, which came in the wake of several major personal crises, and my partner was finding it hard to settle in to the new city. Between one thing and another our relationship was very much on the rocks. My boss approved for me to transfer to another office in a city where we had better supports, and that made it easier to work through the rest of it and get back to a happy partnership. I made sure to mention that (without oversharing) when he left, and I want to be that kind of manager.

    2. SarahKay*

      I changed roles a couple of years back, which meant leaving behind the best manager I’ve ever had.
      Having read Alison’s advice on thank you letters being the best gifts for managers I pushed through my embarrassment and made sure to write the best thank you I could, with specifics of all the times he’d supported me and how that support enabled me to succeed.
      It’s lovely to hear from the ‘other side’ of this equation with details about how much these are appreciated.

  22. RLC*

    Years ago I was in a work unit with a tradition of making a “memory book” for every employee who left the unit, whether by retirement, promotion, career change, etc. Any colleague at any level in the org could make a written contribution to the book (it was sort of a scrapbook), all pages compiled and then bound. I treasure my book, filled with so many reminders of shared experiences and the appreciation my colleagues had for my work. Definitely appreciated as a “pick me up” when things were rough at subsequent jobs, and better than a purchased gift.

  23. The Not-An-Underpants Gnome*

    Can we start a contest for most wholesome story of the year?

    I mean, this one would win hands down, but it would be lovely I think to spotlight the good bosses as well as the bad.

    We gotta ban the onion-cutting ninjas tho. Those little scallawags are in my house too.

  24. LemonDrops*

    I had something similar when I stopped tutoring my student due to an upcoming surgery. She sent me a very sincere, heartfelt text message soon after my surgery and told me how much better she was doing in the subject because of our work.

    I know growing up you may hate having to send or say thank yous. Being on the other side I can say it’s so. validating. It can make all the difference!

  25. Fleur-de-Lis*

    I keep a box on my desk with thank-you cards and notes that I’ve gotten over the years, both as a staffer and as a manager. I pull out a card when I am feeling really blue or defeated, and it makes such a difference in my mood. I highly recommend keeping this letter and putting it in your own gratitude box!

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