Ask a Manager

It’s four answers to four questions. Here we go…

1. How can I advocate to work from home in an interview when it seems against company culture?

I have been a full-time remote employee since late 2017. This organization has always been fully remote and I have thrived in this environment. I do good work and feel close to my colleagues, whom I see in person once or twice a year. I do not feel I am missing out by being in an office nor do I feel my job would be better done in an office environment. Probably important to note is that my organization is a consultancy, working with clients across the U.S.

For reasons that have nothing to do with the work set-up, it’s time for me to move on from this role. A former colleague has offered me a position that would be very similar to my current role, except I’d be doing it in-house rather than for external clients. Salary is market-low and healthcare premiums are extremely expensive, but the work seems interesting. More than anything, I’m ready for a change from my current situation, so would be willing to give it a shot.

During my first conversation with my former colleague, who would be my boss, she reiterated that the role would be completely remote, but it’d be ideal if I could travel to the office for a few days once a month. The office is located 2.5 hours from my home, which is not ideal but fine.

Since that conversation, however, I’m getting the vibe that it might not be as remote-friendly as my former boss presented, and I am worried about getting into a situation where I may be forced into coming into the office regularly or losing my job. Glassdoor is riddled with reviews about how no one is allowed to work from home and how the CEO is vocally against it. Then, I received an email from my would-be-boss asking if I would consider moving to the area where the job is in exchange for $5,000 in moving expenses. (And no, I would absolutely not move to this area, especially for the salary offered.)

I am confident this will come up in my interview with the CEO, which is this Friday. What aspects of WFH productivity should I come prepared to defend? And how can I assess for red flags that might indicate a WFH bait-and-switch? My husband is a stay-at-home-dad with much less marketable skills than me, and being let go from a job would be financially devastating to my family. We already live paycheck to paycheck, so if I take this role, I need to make it work.

You’re not going to be able to change the CEO’s mind on remote work. The Glassdoor reviews make it clear people who work there have already tried; as an outside candidate, you’re not going to succeed where they failed.

More importantly, you should not take this job. Or at least you shouldn’t take it without a very direct conversation with the hiring manager about what you read on Glassdoor. Unless she says, “Oh, that was the previous CEO; the new one is much more WFH-friendly and the culture has totally changed,” this is a recipe for bad things.

Even if you get the remote work agreement in writing, they can decide to change it at any time, and you can end up subject to a lot of pressure to move … or not included in projects, info distribution, and collaboration that you would need to do well in the job … or may simply end up getting told they’ve decided it’s not feasible to have someone remote after all. If you were comfortable with that risk, it would be one thing — but you’re describing it as financially devastating. This isn’t even a job you’re all that excited about! Throw in the low salary and high health insurance premiums, and it’s not a job that fits your needs.

2. I accidentally left the pumping room a mess

I am so embarrassed right now. I want to hide under my desk.

I have been pumping in an unused breakroom/ storage room in our office. Cases of water bottles are piled so high that the space can’t be used for much, but there is a table and chair and enough space for my needs. There is no lock, but I have put up a sign and have had no issues thus far.

Monday, our afternoon meeting ran long (it is an at-work phone meeting, so I was pumping during it in the room). I had to rush out the office to get my daughter at daycare. Tuesday, I unexpectedly had to stay at home with my older daughter. I had the thought, “I should get my pump.” However, I would have had to make my six-year-old walk with me the few blocks from/to the parking garage in the freezing weather and then climb six floors to my parking space in the garage (the elevator is broken). So I just let it go.

Today the office manager let me know that my boss saw a mess in the pumping room and got very upset. There was dried milk on the table and pumping equipment out. I am sure it looked awful, and I am so humiliated. Yep — I left my pump, a boob flange, and my bag out on the table with the door open.

Of course I will not do this again, but should I tell my boss it was an anomalous occurrence? I don’t know how I will ever look at him again. He is older generation and so far I thought I was doing a good job of being discreet about having to pump at work. I am 100% sure he was grossed out. I don’t want to debate on whether or not he should have been grossed out. It was messy and had bodily fluids (can I crawl in a hole forever?) and things that go on my boobs on the table. Help!

You didn’t pee all over the storage room. You left a medical device there. It was an accident, one that won’t happen again. You don’t need to be this mortified!

I don’t think you need to address it with your boss unless it’s going to drive you mad if you don’t. But if you really want to, you can shoot him an email (to avoid the awkwardness that it sounds like you’d both feel if you talked face-to-face) and say, “Apologies for leaving the break room a mess — I had to leave unexpectedly, but it was an oversight and I’ll make sure it doesn’t happen again.” That’s really it! Unless your boss is truly out there, he’s not likely to spend a long time stewing over this.

3. Staff gets ready to leave before the end of their shift

Am I wrong to be annoyed that my staff — who cover the front desk — have a tendency to go to the staff room and gather their things up 10-20 minutes before their shift ends?

We see our last client at 5 pm, but the working hours are 8:15 am to 5:15 pm (with an hour for lunch), in case a client is a few late or someone on their way out needs something, and to just wrap up and close their computers down and whatnot. I feel it isn’t the best presentation for the front to be “pretty much closed” at 5 pm when there’s still a client to get settled.

This expectation has been communicated and has been reiterated. If I ask why they’ve gone to get their things before 5:15, the answer is, “It’s not like I’m leaving yet, I’m just getting ready.” The last time I told them that I did not want them to get their things before clients are finished, having their things on the desk looks like the client is not welcome or is intruding, they just stuck it on the floor.

I don’t feel like it is an unreasonable expectation that my staff doesn’t look like they are running out the door when the last client comes in. But am I being overly critical? Does it matter as much as I feel it does? And if I’m right, what do I need to say to change this behavior?

It’s reasonable to want the last client of the day to feel welcomed and not as if they’re intruding on people who are trying to leave. I don’t know if your staff gathering up their things early is making people feel unwelcome, but if you think it is, you should indeed explain that and tell people not to do it.

I’m curious how firm and direct you’ve been about the expectation: have you been crystal clear (as in “I need you to wait until 5:15 to gather your things”) and they’re flagrantly ignoring that and doing it anyway? If so, you need to get firmer when you see it happening: “We’ve talked about this. I do not want you gathering your things before 5:15 because of the impression it gives clients. If you have a reason to do it earlier, let’s discuss that now so we can hash it out and both be on the same page, but otherwise I need you to follow this job requirement.” But, alternatively, is it possible you haven’t been that clear? If you’ve used softer language (like “I’d prefer you not pack up until the end of the day”), the next step is to be firmer and clearer (“you need to wait until 5:15 to gather your things”).

It’s also possible there’s some complicating factor here like they only have three minutes to catch a bus when their shift ends and if they miss it they’re stuck waiting an hour for the next one … in which case you could explore other solutions, like whether there’s a more discreet place they can store their stuff so it’s not right in clients’ faces. (In fact, you might do that anyway, but that would be particular impetus.)

4. Handling persistent pushy requests from a professor when I’ve already said no

I’m seeking advice on an ongoing issue with a retired elderly professor emeritus. I am an adult learner in a graduate program.

The professor regularly attends our peer teaching session and uses these sessions to advance his own work, including pressuring students to help write chapters for his self published books. He also has sent me numerous emails insisting that I participate as an author in his projects and sign release forms for teaching materials that I created for other purposes for him to use for his own projects. Despite my polite but firm refusals, his requests persist both via email and in person. Although he often says he “respects my decision,” the constant follow-up and pressure to get involved continue.

I’ve discussed this issue with colleagues and other professors, and some have advised me to simply stop responding to his emails, as he sends long, stream-of-consciousness messages filled with various demands, random thoughts, and requests. Fortunately the emails to me have mostly stopped for the time being. It seems that most people have just stopped replying to him altogether.

I am juggling multiple other commitments and have no desire to be involved in his projects, so I’m leaning toward not responding to his emails anymore if he does this again in future. However, I’m unsure if this is the best approach, as I don’t want to escalate the situation or create any further tension. Should I continue to engage politely but firmly, or would it be better to stop responding entirely?

Stop responding. You’ve told him no multiple times and the answer hasn’t changed. And since other people have stopped replying to him, if he has an issue with that he’ll need to take issue with the whole group, not just you, which gives you some degree of cover if that happens.

If he ever asks you in person why you haven’t been answering, you can say, “Oh, I’m sorry if I missed something — I’d already answered you about X and Y and didn’t see an additional question in there.”

Also, is anyone willing to tell him to knock it off, like another professor? Is it something you and other students can raise on course evaluations? It’s obnoxious behavior, made worse by the power dynamics in play.

It’s five answers to five questions. Here we go…

1. Coworkers are very concerned that I’m not wearing a coat

I am a relatively young woman (late 20s) in a workplace in which many of my coworkers are twice my age or more, and the profession is heavily skewed female. I’ve been at this workplace for about four months.

I leave the building for my lunch break, we all walk to the parking lot together upon closing for the day, and I find myself occasionally going outside for one reason or another. I live in a cold climate, but I hate wearing coats for short trips outside partially because I run hot and partially because of neurodiversity-related sensory issues. I am usually just wearing a thin cardigan if I’m wearing any layers at all.

Nine times out of ten, if a coworker spots me leaving the building, they will literally gasp or admonish me in some way for not wearing a coat for what is essentially a 50-foot walk to my car. One has even taken me aside and inquired if I was able to purchase a winter coat and offered to help me buy one, which was an incredibly kind offer but made me feel embarrassed.

I know they’re asking out of concern and genuine care, but it makes me feel disrespected and not taken seriously as a fellow professional. I am one of the youngest members of the professional staff and more than one coworker has noted that they have children older than me, so I feel as if I constantly have to prove myself.

I usually respond to these comments with something plain (“Thank you, but I’m okay”) or joking (“I’m fine, I’m actually part yeti”) but they continue. How can I reframe my thoughts so that these comments stop bothering me as much as they do?

It’s the age thing that’s making this feel as weird as it does; if your coworkers were all your same age and making the exact same comments, I bet it would read differently. But because you’re the youngest — and very aware of it — the comments are landing as if they think you need mothering, which makes you feel babied.

Would it help to reframe it as “these are kind people who would express the same concern to a 50-year-old coworker”? I don’t know if that’s true — people do often want to caretake younger coworkers in ways they wouldn’t with older ones — but I also don’t know that it’s not true, so if we’re talking about mental reframing, that might be the way to go. Also, if you’re generally respected at work and taken seriously, it might help to center that in your head — yes, you might be getting more caretaking directed at you because you’re younger, but if your work is taken seriously, that’s what really matters. (If it’s not, that’s a whole different issue, but then that would be more the issue than The Coat.)

Also, it might help to start responding with, “I have coats! I just run hot and often don’t wear them.” It might not stop the concerned comments, but it’ll at least establish that you’re not the Little Match Girl.

Related:
I’ve accidentally convinced my coworkers that I’m homeless – but I’m not!

2. Asking to work remotely after getting a tattoo

I work in municipal government under a mayor who banned remote work this year for all municipal employees. Currently, we are only allowed to ask to work remotely if there are extenuating circumstances and if it’s not a recurring request. We can only do so for a day at a time, and it must be approved ahead of time by my grandboss.

I am getting a (huge) tattoo for my birthday next week. I am taking the day off for the all-day appointment. The day after, I would be fine to work, except the placement of the tattoo makes it impossible to wear pants in the immediate healing stage. Ideally, I could work from home for the next two days so I don’t use up all my vacation time for this. A doctor’s note is required for sick time. However, I don’t know how to word my request to work remotely! I am the only person in my relatively small department who has requested to work from home under the new policy, and I have used it two or three times since the summer. I am worried that asking for remote work the day after my birthday looks like I am planning to party hard and be hungover — bad optics. I’m hoping you can help me formulate the request to work from home, or that the commenters can give advice on wearing clothes over a large lower back piece.

Well … I don’t think you should.

To be clear, you should be able to! If your job can be done effectively from home, there’s no reason you should need to use vacation time for this. But look at the facts: your job frowns on remote work and only allows it under unusual circumstances, you’ve already used it a few times since the summer, you’re the only one in your department who has, and the request would be for the two days after a day you’re already taking off. It looks bad. I’m not saying that’s reasonable; it’s not. But that’s the reality you’re working with, with your particular employer’s culture on this.

You’d probably be better off getting the tattoo on a Friday and using the weekend for it to heal. I’m sorry, I know that sucks! Your workplace has made their stance pretty clear, though, and this will use too much capital.

3. I think my employee is using AI to produce bad writing

I’m a new manager and am almost certain the employee I’m managing is using AI.

I think AI works great for certain jobs, but the problem is that he’s using it to generate articles/comms that need to have a lot of nuance. Not only are the same mistakes coming up, but I worry the tone is obvious to others familiar with AI, which is a bit of a reputational risk.

I’d ideally want to have a frank discussion about common AI pitfalls so he can avoid those issues, but I’m conscious it may come across as an accusation, which he can deny anyway. Should I just act as if the output is his work and give my edits as normal?

Have a conversation with him! Give your edits — both specific edits and broad pattern edits (tone, voice, etc.) — and then say, “I don’t know if you’ve played around with AI for any of this, but some of it reads as sounding AI-generated, so either way it made me realize we should talk about why we don’t and can’t use AI.” If he says he hasn’t been using AI, you can say, “Okay, good. Let’s take a minute anyway to talk about why it’s something we can’t use, in case it ever does come up.” So you’re not getting into whether or not he did; you’re just laying out the reasons your team can’t. And then explain the voice issues, nuance, accuracy, concerns about proprietary info, copyright, or whatever AI problems are relevant in your field (likely all of those at some level or other).

4. Will a new employer let you roll over unused vacation time from your last job?

I know someone who is job searching to move to a new city. He works at a hospital in a health care capacity, and has worked at his current employer for 15 years. His vacation accrues with the number of hours worked; if he works extra hours, he accrues more vacation time.

He believes he has heard that employers will roll over vacation hours accrued to one another — i.e., that his unused vacation time could be picked up and made already available by the new employer. I told him that there are employers that will allow for negotiating accrual rates (“my previous employer supplied 20 days of vacation accrued over the year, can you match that”), but I’ve never heard of a company providing the accrued but unused time from a previous employer. The hospital system he is currently employed at is only in one state; this isn’t something where you would find it across the nation.

Is this something you’ve heard of happening, and if so, in what situation? I really can’t picture this in a nonprofit health setting.

No, that’s not a thing that typically happens when you’re moving to an entirely new employer (as opposed to moving around internally). You’re right that you can often negotiate the amount of vacation time you earn each year so that you don’t go from, say, six weeks a year to two, but employers don’t typically “roll over” whatever unused vacation time you have from somewhere else. That’s the other company’s accounting system, not theirs! (Ideally unused time would be paid out when you leave, but not every state requires that. It would be a particularly weird request in states that do … although, really, it’s likely to come across as a pretty strange request everywhere.)

5. My coworker’s out-of-office reply keeps (wrongly) sending people to me

Would you consider the ability to put together an out-of-office auto-reply a pretty basic, table-stakes skill?

I have a colleague, Barb, who is relatively new to our company (less than a year). We both work in IT and have mutually dependent jobs — think project manager (multiple projects across multiple teams) and team lead (accountable for stakeholder relationships and work prioritization for a team). Barb’s first big project was with me and my team, although she has other accountabilities as well.

Not long after Barb started, she had some PTO scheduled and asked if she could list my name in her out-of-office auto-reply. I said that of course she could list me for project X that we were working on together. But I didn’t know her other work, so I didn’t want to be listed as the contact for those other efforts. A few months later, we had more or less the same conversation. Barb asked to list me in her out-of-office; I said only for the project that we were working on together. Time passes, and another PTO comes around. No asking to use my name, which is fine. But then I get a message from a person on a related team asking about something that is Barb’s responsibility. Because Barb listed my name (and only my name) in her out-of-office message. I didn’t check the other two times, but I’m guessing she listed me then as well.

Part of me thinks this is so small and not worth following up on. But also, this feels like part of a pattern, where she asks questions in a “I’m new here” way, but when she doesn’t like the answer, she does what she wanted anyway.

She’s been in the business world for 20+ years, as have I. I am baffled that someone with this level of experience doesn’t have a grasp of out-of-office message patterns. And even if the pattern at this company is different from what she’s experienced before, being told no twice and just ignoring it really annoys me.

Are my expectations unreasonable? That an experienced project manager (1) would be able to put together an out-of-office message without any drama and at the very least would learn after one iteration and (2) wouldn’t blatantly ignore a colleague’s explicit “no”?

Your expectations are not unreasonable on either count. That said, this is probably less about her not knowing how to put together an out-of-office and more about general incompetence and/or intransigence.

Why not just say, “Hey, please stop listing my name on your out-of-office replies; I’m getting messages from people about things I’m not involved in”? And then if she does it again: “I saw you listed me in your out-of-office again. Is there a reason you’re doing that even though I asked you not to?” And meanwhile, just direct anyone who messages you back to Barb: “I’m not sure why she listed me as the contact; I’m not the right person for that, so you’ll need to check back with her.”